


Kinks

by ziyazu



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Handcuffs, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Stiles has sexy skillz, Vegetables, dialogue only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 03:21:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2213922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziyazu/pseuds/ziyazu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I should have left you in the woods that day. I should have just taken my cool car while I still had it and LEFT."</p><p>"Oh sure, NOW you're second-guessing your decisions. Next thing you'll tell me you didn't mean to kiss-attack me and give me a handjob in your dumb Toyota."</p><p>"I didn't mean to. I mean, I'm glad I did, but it wasn't really the plan."</p><p>"Well, I didn't plan to really enjoy it and to want to bite your neck and finger you stupid for the rest of my life, but here we are anyways. What's next?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Okay, watersports."

"What is that, like, peeing on each other? There are so many dog jokes here, oh my god."

"The dog jokes still aren't funny, Stiles. And it's just like, urine in general, I think."

"Hmmm."

"Yeah."

"Well..."

"Yeah?"

"I don't.... I mean, I wouldn't _mind_."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Nah. It's just pee, right? Though, like, not in my _mouth_ or anything. But, um."

"You're not really...?"

"Like, _into_ it. No. I'd just wait until you were done and then go take a shower."

"Yeah. And I would have to live forever with the knowledge that _I peed on you_."

"Uh huh. I'm sensing you are also not into this."

"No."

"Okay, good. Cross it off the list. What's next?"

"Uh, snowballing."

"High-five, been there, done that."

"Do we have to high-five for everything we've done? My hand hurts."

"Derek, you're a werewolf."

"Shut up, I got stabbed in this hand last week, remember? Okay, biting, check, rimming, check... uh."

"What?"

" _'Licking your partner's eyeball erotically'?_ Stiles, where did you get this list?"

"Yeah, that one may have been off a Purity Test I took in like, 7th grade. I never got it, but. You never know."

"Stiles, I never want to erotically lick your eyeball."

"Good to know. We are on the same page there."

"Great. I am not on the same page because this list is _four pages long_. Why are we doing this again?"

"Kink discussions are very important, Derek, _communication_ is very important. What if I had never said, 'Derek, I'm going to blow you WHILE you use the vibrator'? Think about it! You would never have clawed up that headboard we both secretly hated, we wouldn't have the awesome wrought-iron thing even you can't bend, and there would still be nowhere for the sexytime handcuffs to attach to. We probably wouldn't even _have_ sexytime handcuffs. It would be _tragic_ , Derek."

"Ugh, fine."

"So what's next?"

"Uh... okay, I'm not even considering the next two."

"Lemme see. YEAH. Okay. That's fine. Ow."

"Seriously."

"Oh, and that second one? Do NOT go looking for videos on that. Do NOT."

"Jesus. Why would you-"

"RESEARCH, DEREK."

"I feel like you yelling 'research' all the time like that is probably insulting to legitimate scientists."

"Shut up, Lydia loves me."

"Lydia is not a scientist, she uses math to blow things up for the military."

"Which is SCIENCE, duh."

"This is why I hang out with Boyd."

"Boyd is boring."

"Boyd is NOT boring, Boyd is thoughtful."

"Whatever. Does Boyd make you come so hard you break a rib?"

"I'm still not sure why you're proud of that."

"You BROKE a RIB, Derek. I'm going to be proud of that forever."

"I should have left you in the woods that day. I should have just taken my cool car while I still had it and LEFT."

"Oh sure, NOW you're second-guessing your decisions. Next thing you'll tell me you didn't mean to kiss-attack me and give me a handjob in your dumb Toyota."

"I _didn't_ mean to. I mean, I'm glad I did, but it wasn't really the plan."

"Well, I didn't _plan_ to really enjoy it and to want to bite your neck and finger you stupid for the rest of my life, but here we are anyways. What's next?"

"Um... okay, does this honestly just say 'vegetables?' with a question mark? What the fuck, Stiles."

"I dunno! You could... do things. With... vegetables. If you wanted. Okay, so maybe Google ran out around there, and I was just sort of freeballing it. Whatever."

"If Google ran out, what are the next three pages?"

"I may have just started listing things I wanted to eat. The vegetables got me hungry. And horny. And you weren't around so I just went with hungry. And maybe there was an incident with the carrots, okay? I'm not proud of it but it happened."

"Okay. We're done with the list. I'm going to go get the lube, you are doing the neck-biting-fingering thing because that sounded great, and then we're going out for dinner, because you are never allowed to touch a vegetable again."

"Look, just a leek, okay? Just one sensuous night with you and a leek, that's all I'm asking for."

"STILES."

"Fine, how do you feel about cabbage? Cabbage is totally sexy."

"No."

"Beets? Rhubarb, you gotta get hot for some rhubarb, am I right? No? Celery? Kale. Definitely kale."

"You keep naming vegetables and I'm going to I'm leave you. For Jackson."

"Oooh, harsh but fair. Well-played. Go get the lube."

"On it."

"And grab a carrot!"

"STILES."

"Fine, be boring."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carrots.

" _Shit_."

"I know, right?"

"I- FUCK."

"Carrots! Who knew?"

" _Jesus_ Stiles, I just, can you-"

"Yup. Like that? Here, and I'll just-"

" _Oh holy mother of-_ "

"I KNOW, RIGHT??"


End file.
